Don't Bend The Wire

Having been a teen until recently (ummm...well, four years ago to be exact) I know how right this post from SpunkyHomeSchool is about teens and the 'growing up' years. Of course, many of my friends (you know who you are) will protest my use of the word 'recently' -- to some, I'm already an ancient. Let them say what they want. Frankly, I still remember everything as if it were yesterday...well, maybe almost everything...

That said, here's the post from a blog 'dedicated to the ramblings of a homeschooling mother of 6...'


Jema at Rough Cut Gems is asking if the teen years have to be so turbulent. I have been a little hesitant to post on this because my own children are not yet grown up. So my credibility is not super strong but I am seeing encouraging signs. (Here are the blogs from my three oldest Kristin, Jason, and Joshua, for your scrutiny.) But I would like to share a conversation I had with my son.

A few months ago I took Jason (14) out to lunch. Actually, he suggested it and he was buying so off we went to Arby's for the 5 for $5 special. While I watched him eat his four sandwiches in the length of time it took me to eat one, we chatted about alot of different things. When there was a lull in the conversation I switched the subject to a scripture that I had been meaning to ask him about. Proverbs 22:36 says "My son, give me thine heart and let thine eyes observe my ways." This seemed like the appropriate time to ask him if we still retained his heart even though he was in the middle of growing from a boy to a man.

He grinned and said, "Mom, if you and dad didn't have my heart then do you think I'd be sitting here with you at Arby's right now?"

Good point.

So I pressed him a little on why he thinks teens seem to stray away and what could a parent do to keep a child from rebelling against them and the Lord.

He said, "Don't bend the wire." I was confused. What exactly does that mean?

He kept going. "Did you ever notice that a wire once it has been bent can't go exactly straight again. I've tried it. It can go pretty straight but you can never get the kink out completely." Now, I was really confused and wondering if my son really understood what I was getting at.

I asked him, "What does any of this have to do with you and teenagers?"

"Mom," he said, "You and dad are the wire and I am trying to get you to bend a little but don't do it. Don't give in to my selfish demands. I may recover but it will never be quite the same. Most parents don't understand that we want you to say no. The minute you give in it's all over. I want to believe what you believe but if you don't believe in it why should I?"

I got it.

This is from a son who was very difficult to handle at different times. The son who in his early years could send me into tears just by walking into the room. Now he was sitting across from me and telling me to stay strong and stay the course. I am sure there will be a few more bumps in the road before he takes on the full responsibilities of a man but I am following his wise counsel and I think he is going to make one fine husband and father one day.

He gave me a few more hints on the mindset of a teen that I hope to blog about real soon. But I'll be busy the rest of the weekend so it'll have to wait.

http://spunkyhomeschool.blogspot.com/2005/05/dont-bend-wire.html

'Why Do We Educate?' from SpunkyHomeSchool

I read the following post about two months ago and the author strikes me as a dedicated parent who truly believes in what she is doing and knows why she is doing it. In this blog a mother of 6 homeschooled children talks about what education should mean. She has many biblical and very inspiring insights into homeschooling and parenting.

Chris O'Donnel and ExPat are having a blog conversation on education. ExPat threw out this challenge.

So I ask you, Mr. O'Donnell, do you know why you are teaching your children what you are teaching them?

Well, I'm not Chris and I don't attempt to speak for him (He does very well on his own.) but I thought I'd jump in and share a little about why we educate our children. Here goes. (For long time readers this is a slight revision of an earlier post.)
Who defines the "educational goal"? Before we can ever begin to think about how we are to teach a child, we must decide why we are to teach a child. What is a "well educated child"?

I had a mother call me sometime ago. She had received my name from a mutual friend and she wanted to home educate her son. He was currently enrolled in the local public school. Her first question was what she needed to buy to home educate. Before answering, I asked her a few questions. My first question was "Why do you want to educate your son?

She responded with a series of reasons on why she no longer wanted him enrolled in the local school. "Okay, so you are dissatisfied with the public schools", I replied, "But that doesn't answer my question. Why do you want to educate your son?"

She then replied with the some of the benefits of home education and how they do so much better that the public school. I responded again, "I am glad you want to home educate but you still haven't told me why you want to educate your son?"

She was getting a little frustrated so I rephrased the question this way "Move past the method of education and ask yourself , "Why do you care that your son knows anything about anything?"

She paused mementarily and then said, "Well, I guess I would like for him to make a good living for himself so that he can afford to do the things that he wants to do and to be happy. And a good education will do that won't it?"

"Sure it will, but let's take that and move forward about 30 years. Your son is now a famous millionaire who can afford to travel the world. You are back here in Michigan sitting in a nursing home. He pays all your bills but only visits sporadically. He is happy but you are ignored and miserable. Would you consider yourself a success at the education you have provided?"

"No", she admitted. She began to realize that academics was only a part of a well educated adult.

She then turned the tables on me and asked me why I educate my children.

I responded, "My children's success is not determined by a degree or a dollar. That a well educated child is one who knows and loves the Lord their God with all their heart, mind, soul, and strength, and loves their neighbor as themselves."

She acknowledged that these were not her goals but that she didn't really know what an well educated child would be for her. This is sad.

The point of this story is not to convince you that my educational goal should be this mother's educational goal but to illustrate that the goal must be defined before the methodology can be determined. I could have given her a list curriculum to buy but she probably would have found it unworkable for her (maybe even offensive!).

WHY we educate must be determined before we decide HOW to educate. The public schools have a reason to desire a uniform, "equal", edcuation for its citizens.

But an equal education is a fallacy because we will never all have the same educational goal. Thus, what one may call a success another would call a complete failure. This is the great dilemma of the public schools. "Equal education" only works with a uniform goal. A goal which works well for the state but usually leaves the individual out in the cold.

http://spunkyhomeschool.blogspot.com